Raptored

It would appear these morning workouts are making my brain overflow with random imagination. A normal text conversation went completely awry when the notion of a dinosaur rapture came into play. Hang in there, people.

Me: So how about that failed rapture?

Friend: Right?

Me: Unless... it wasn't really failed. We just all suck that bad at being people so we were... left behind.

Friend: Great. I knew I'd end up in hell, anyway.

Me: Well I mean I guess we all should have seen it going down that way. Everyone knows the last successful rapture is what made dinosaurs extinct.

Friend: Please tell me you're joking.

Me: Huh? Please tell me YOU'RE joking. You never heard of the dino rapture?

Friend: Kelsey... you're scaring me.

Me: I know, right? The Dinosaur Rapture was a really scary thing. And to think they were deemed more worthy than modern day man?

Friend: The dinosaurs weren't raptured. Or whatever.

Me: Don't even tell me you believe it was a natural extinction. There's just no way. Like a giant meteor is going to wipe out every living thing but Earth is still all chill and whatever?

Friend: We're really having this convo?

Me: Well I think we should. Obviously, you need to be educated on this.

Me: If you just think about it logically it makes sense. How many dinosaurs were on the planet? Bazillions, right? So, science would suggest we should be finding WAY more fossils and skeletons. But in comparison we really haven't found a solid amount. Rapture, baby.

Friend: You're combining science and rapture in the same theory?

Me: Rapture IS science and this is fact not theory. Come on.

Friend: Ok so why were only some of them left behind then?

Me: They were probably just assholes. That's just the way it works.

Friend: T-Rex? Weren't they all assholes?

Me: Yeah... but the whole small arms thing? I think they probably got some "Sorry about that, guys" credit or something.

Friend: Oh ok well yeah that would make sense. I'd feel bad about creating a living being with that kind of deformity, too.

Me: You just agreed that Dinosaur Rapture makes sense. What is wrong with you?

Friend: Don't even turn this around on me.

Me: Hey, if you want to believe you can create dinosaurs and shit that is your own deal.

Friend: Seriously, not cool.

Me: Dinosaur Rapture... wow.

Friend: Stop.

Me: Dinosaur Rapture... they were all... RAPTORED.

Friend: Go work or something.

Me: Jurassic Rapture?

Friend: I'm done here.

This entire exchange was probably way more amusing to me than it will be to anyone else. I'm sorry.