An Open Letter to Macy's

Hi Macy's,

I just want to start off by saying I have loved you for so many years. SO. Many. Years.

I went back to school shopping with you.

I bought prom dresses from you.

I realized I needed to lose some weight while in your dressing room.

Even though I MIGHT have maxed out the $100 credit card I got as a teenager (and never paid it off), I still regularly offered up my cash for some nifty swag, amazing presents and random shit I probably didn't even need.

And today you offered a STELLAR deal on this new perfume I've been dying to find. Thanks for all the free gifties that came with it, by the way. My only complaint is that, like.... ok no... when the fuck is it going to be here?

You know why I don't know? Because your site crapped out during the ordering process. So I checked my credit card. Yep. Monies be gone. Ok, so I'll wait. An hour later with no email I'm all like "eff this ish" and I decided to check my order on the website.

Track your order with email address? Nope. Phone number? Nope. I get this wonky error message to call customer service. FINE.

**By the freaking way, why don't you have an option to email customer service?! Don't you know how much easier your lives would be without having to hear irritated customers like me? C'mon, son.

I call. I wait 2 minutes on hold. A woman answers and tries to help but fails to locate my order based on name, phone number and email. UM. Ok. So she tries to confirm the right email address (because she didn't the first time) and low and behold she spelled my name wrong. I correct her spelling and... click.

Hello?

Laters, Macy's rep.

I'm at work and have already wasted 15 minutes of my precious day. 4:40 rolls around and I still have no confirmation. Screw it, I'll try again.

Repeat all of those last phone paragraphs sans a hang up and we get to the point where they need my credit card number. I cave and offer it up. WHOA order found!

"So can I get an email confirmation"
"Ma'am it looks like our system already sent you one."
"Oh, weird. Well as I explained earlier, I never got one. And I can't check online. And my card was definitely charged. Which is why I called. Is there an order number?"
"Ma'am I can give you an order number. Your order will be processed within 5 days and then shipped out."
"Awesome! Can I get an email confirmation."
"Ma'am you will get another email within a couple hours."
"... Ok well thank you for clearing this up."
"You're welcome. Have a good day ma'am."

Well it's like 5 hours later. Still no email (Yes, I checked my Spam folder). Still can't find my order on your website through your search options.

Am I getting my shit or what?

Oh. And by the way. Please let your entire phone team know that I am not a "ma'am."

Love,
Kelsey