the.
crap.
I've recently become obsessed with those veggie deals where it's like... a bag. With vegetables. All you have to do is put that sucker in the microwave for 4 minutes and some odd seconds. Then BAM! You have dinner for under 200 calories. It's almost like magic, right? You bet your sweet Nike Calis it is.
But what could possibly be utterly wrong with this genius invention? OH, I'll tell you:
Who in the history of this wonderful human race found these little corm deals (yes, they're classified as a corm; insert "WTF" here) and thought "Hey man, I'm so totally putting these in delicious salads and scrumptious vegetable medleys"? A complete idiot, that's who.
First of all, Wikipedia describes them as an aquatic vegetable. I wasn't aware there even was such a thing. Does the water chestnut need to take swimming lessons as a young excuse of a plant? All I can think about is this stupid mess of leafless green tubes failing swim class and being forced to wear arm floaties for the rest of its existence.
Then there's the fact that this "vegetable" offers no flavor whatsoever. But they're jam packed of carbohydrates and starch. Uh, excuse me, but if I were in the mood for a snack harboring all the benefits of a potato then I'd opt for french fries thank YOU very much.
The water chestnut is so essentially worthless that even recipes based on the usage of it are limited and truthfully stomach churning. Water Chestnut Cake is definitely the last thing I'd want served at my birthday festivities. Food that looks like gelatinized urine just isn’t my thing.
So, let's recap, shall we? Water chestnut: bland, full of fatty calories, useless, ugly and unable to swim. Get the eff out of my scrumptious vegetable mix you opaque white discs of nothingness.
Hi. I'm pointless.
