Bluetooth Usage

I know California passed that wonderful law forbidding anyone to drive while using their cellular phone aka "handheld device". After witnessing some of my friends try to drive while on the phone, I happen to think is a splendid law to have instated.

Yeah, this law is saving lives. But it's also sprouting a trend that can only be horrifically compared to as what I like to refer to as The Era Of Crocs. I have a Bluetooth device so I can call someone when I get lost without breaking the law. However, the little doodad stays in the car. Because that's what it's for.

Examples of when you don't need a phone literally attached to your ear:

-While out for a family dinner. You're going to scar your children by making them think business is more important than the fact they want a Shirley Temple STAT
-When standing in line behind me at the bank. It's quiet in there and everyone can hear your discussion with your wife over the fact you got gas from the broccoli at last night's dinner.
-During a date. Nothing says "You're special" like an impending phone call to the UFO you have lodged in your ear canal.

So, to everyone who thinks they need to use their hands free device while conducting non-vehicle related activities: PLEASE STOP. You look like an effing moron.

This guy even has major cool points on you:

Pretzels.

Throughout my life there have been many foods I have refused to eat. Most of these dislikes were established as a child and based on no previous taste experience whatsoever. Years later I'll decide to try them again and discover I had been missing out on a lifetime of taste bud wonderment.

Today I took a stab at pretzels. Everyone loves them, right? They aren't one of those obscure foods that everyone will completely understand a distaste for. And I'm seriously tired picking them out of Chex Mix and/or 100 Calorie Ritz Snack Packs. Why the hell would I have any reason to be displeased by a combination of carbohydrates and salt?

You know why? Because they're absolutely disgusting. Never again.

Tomorrow: Raisins.



UPDATE:

Raisins: No dice.

Controversial Advertising

Many companies receive media scrutiny for their various controversial ad campaigns. Crazy Frog was attacked for supposedly having genitalia, Carls Jr. ignited a boycott with the Paris Hilton porn... I mean... car wash episode and even Proposition 8 advocates appeared to have crossed the line with their commercials.

My humble reaction to the majority of people freaking out? "Eh." Or, more eloquently put, "Get your panties out of a wad."

However, there is one series of television advertisements that I just cannot choose to ignore. Nabisco, you have let me down time and time again with your broadcasts promoting Chips Ahoy chocolate chip cookies.

My TV screen comes alive with the smiling face of an adorable chocolate chip cookie. The first horrifying experience I recall involved our little "1000 Chips Delicious" buddy politely waiting at a birthday party for some cake. Then what happens? He is brutally informed by an elementary aged brat that they're "not having cake" and all eyes become fixed on the most adorable cookie to exist. Chips Ahoy won't go ahead and say what happens, but oh YOU KNOW what they ate instead of cake. Why, OH WHY, would you put a party hat on your dessert? He probably bought that stupid kid a present, too. The mere thought makes me choke up.

This bloodcurdling happenstance is followed by a slew of similar advertisements. I even had to witness my chocolately, chunky friend attempt to enjoy a simple car ride with his other delectable comrades before they are all plucked from their vehicle for consumption. Gasp! How could you?!

I am shocked and appalled that the FCC would allow viewers to witness this cookie-slaughter. And on children's channels, no less!

So, I am taking a stand. I have issued a personal boycott against Chips Ahoy to prevent the future massacre of darling cookie treats everywhere. Take THAT Nabisco.





Save Me.

I know you're trying to save the planet

but you're going to die when your Smart Car thing hits the freeway. one tap from my go kart of a car going over 30 mph and you'd be blown to smithereens.





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your imminent death.