1. Retirement.
Not mine. His. After the completion of my first win at an LPGA tournament.
2. Take An Auto Shop Course.
Dad didn't want any big, mean mechanics trying to take advantage of his daughter's finances in the event her car should implode.
3. Learn Basic English.
You get the point, right?
Unfortunately I was not blessed with a gene that makes oneself athletically inclined. Nor do I have any clue how to change a flat tire. However, even through the hells of public schooling, I still know how to formulate a damn email without sounding like a kindergartner.
Baffled? Here, let me explain:
1. You + are = You're.
This is the melding of words, kids. You can't just smash two words together like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to make up a new definition of an already existing word. Unless we're playing Scrabble.
2. Are you... bored?
Bored (verb)
- to be wearied by dullness, tedious repetition, unwelcome attentions, etc.
Board (noun)
- a piece of wood sawed thin, and of considerable length and breadth compared with the thickness.
Are you really comparing yourself to plywood? Life can't be that bad.
3. THENks
Correct:
If I set my alarm for 5 AM, then I should make sure the clock isn't still running on Daylight Savings Time.
Incorrect:
If I set my alarm for 5 AM, than I should make sure the clock isn't still running on Daylight Savings Time.
4. I'll Love Ya, Tomorrow
Plain and simple: There is no "a" in this word. Tomarrow? Bone marrow? I don't weigh enough to donate at this time. My apologies.
5. There, their, they're
I'll cut some slack on this one. Generally, there are only two ways to spell a set of homophones, but someone decided to get crazy and make a three word deal out of this one. And one of them happens to be a contraction. Oh no! I'm assuming the same jerk put the whole two, too and to mess into action, as well. While I could outline the correct usage of each word, I will just suggest that you visit a local library to reference a copy of your favorite Dick & Jane adventure for an explanation.
6. Anyways(ssssss)
This is not a damn word.
English isn't difficult, people. You speak it. You take classes for it throughout your entire educational career. So why does it seem like my emails and messages from various outlets appear to be from ESL students? Unless you're an adorable LOLCat, I would greatly appreciate not having to take an extra 30 seconds to decipher what the crap you're really trying to say.
Get it together, America.
2 comments:
So, several things come to mind after reading this. Oddly enough the first thing that came to my mind was the direct correlation with the basic english skillz deterioration and good ol' childhood obesity; also how much I see us drifting towards the scenes in Idiocracy faster and faster.....
Quicky thereafter followed my thoughts on affect and effect and how deliciously often I see it pummeled into an ineffective squishee.
Then we took a turn for random town as I realized how many different things come to mind and are seen with the nice simple word; we. ie, Michelle Wie making it to the LPGA, Wii are going to be quite sore tomorrow after this game, wheeee as in the giddy cries of children and adults alike during times of adrenaline adventure, whey protein, not quite "we" but close enough. Wee wee, which also applies to adults and children alike, one going during drunken elation and the latter going during childhood euphoria.
LOL, ROTFL, BRB, etc etc....Kinda make you wanna punch babies.
In all seriousness though, like, totally, I enjoyed the potentially life altering blog for the Englishly challenged individual who stumbles across it. I can already see the alphabet laced light bulb forming above their head.
One more step for anti-idiocy advocacy.
Have a mahvalous evening Kelsey Gene, I am rather sure that your father is immensely proud.
Arthur
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