Target

Target is turning into this generation’s Wal Mart.

On my adventure to seek out a Pumpkin Carving Kit (which are, by the way, out of stock… EVERYWHERE) I encountered these horrific displays of parenting/humanity:

- A 4 year old boy pushing a shopping cart. Correction. A 4 year old boy pushing a shopping cart with the same comprehension as a 98 year old man changing lanes on the freeway. Fool cut us off twice before smacking into our cart and saying “Excuse me” until we moved. Parents? Anyone? Bueller?

- Screaming baby who hit decibels Mariah Carey couldn’t even reach in her prime. If she’s going to cry because you refuse to buy her a Barbie doll at 8:30pm perhaps you should re-think her attendance on your next run to the toy aisle of a department store.

- The man who was too busy looking at EVERY SINGLE diet supplement known on the face of this earth to realize his cart was blocking an entire pathway. It’s cool, dude. The 3 of us that had to walk completely around the health food section totally appreciated it. May your impending weight loss bring more attention to your surroundings than food cravings.

- My absolute favorite. The couple buying two things in line. With a shopping cart. And stacked so far back behind the shopping cart that no one else could possibly even unload their precious cargo onto the “let me buy this shit” conveyor belt. By the time their purchase was complete we were left with the ever-popular cashier glare from hell while trying to frantically empty our trinkets onto the moving black belt of doom.

I’m not sure if it’s the holidays that will tempt late night shopping from America’s finest. If that is actually the case, I will gladly hibernate until taxes are due.